i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
