She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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