my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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