Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
