i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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