Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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