ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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