I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Let's get the cat blown out
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
