Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I love having hate sex.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
