please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
