i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
