I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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