I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
