This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
