Got a toothbrush?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
