Four minutes until I can fart!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
