My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
