i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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