i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
