Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
