Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
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As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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