Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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