The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
