I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize