my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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