and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm going to jail i love you
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
