did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
