I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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