After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is Oprah even human
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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