Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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