I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
