So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The best revenge is premature balding
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
