Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
