I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
