Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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