So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
