I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
