Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
