i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Less talking, more tequila
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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