are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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