You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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