OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
