Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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