I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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