my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
