So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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