my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
