Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
be right there i have to get my cape
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
