Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
