I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
