He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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