ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
