I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
