no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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