This house was built for laser tag.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
