shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
