In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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