What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
