ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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