he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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