He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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