So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
