I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
