maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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