Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
