im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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