My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
