He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
