Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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