Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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