Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
