R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
