so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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