i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
