i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
