im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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