i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
