Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
