do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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