420 ftw
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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