It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
