Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
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Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
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I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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