my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize