Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
